Confession of A Weary Mom

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Weary these past few weeks. Surmounting pressure to meet an expectation that truly is from the world. Feeling the need that I must prepare my children for the world’s measuring stick of achievement that will be upon us soon. Looking to the dates set at the end of July – complying only because the world says we must. A pressure on me, thinking that this is going to measure how I am doing as their mom. Ridiculous, right? Because I have been SO exhausted I have not been able to see clearly the craziness of these claims -these lies. After a refreshing night’s sleep, the Lord again spoke to me this morning. He has been working on me, and yet I kept thinking I must press on and persevere and do more and more and more… clearly this is not the answer. Because in my efforts to do more I am not thriving as that fragrance of Christ in my home. I function with an underlying strain inside myself. Life is being sucked from me. Because I have allowed the measurement of the “world” to dictate and rule over me. What verse did God lay upon my heart as soon as I awoke this morning – the same one He keeps putting on me for the last few weeks!!!???

“and be admonished by these. OF making many books there is no end, and much STUDY IS WEARISOME TO THE FLESH…let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter FEAR GOD and KEEP HIS COMMANDS” Ecc. 12:12-13

I am hearing from the LORD!!! I pleaded for more. I need to see the path. Sat on my couch snuggling with my boys. Isaac looked over to our kitchen with a counter piled high with books unending amongst a dirty dish, a blender, a plastic crocodile and so on.. a table full of books, drawer from our oven because we have a wild chipmunk loose for the past 3 days.. the remnants of the day before still sitting and taking over our home.

What did my son say to me? Something he has NEVER said before. As he glanced at it all he said “we have TOO many books”. I busted up laughing. Perspective. Beautiful!

A child who has lacked emotion, lacked communication, lacked expression, that the LORD has been doing His MIGHTY, MIGHTY amazing work in – today the Lord used once again to speak His WORD ! “books! there is no end.. and wearisome to the flesh”. I have worried about measuring up in academics, ending our year and being evaluated, that it has become wearisome to my flesh!!!

Morning continued on, and he spoke to me again through a writing through another sister in Christ. Here is what she shared, my comments will be in parentheses.

“Sometimes, difficult circumstances are opportunities for God to prove His faithfulness. Sometimes, we don’t need to figure it out or even make it about us, at all. (I need to stop making this about me-please God. And all I want in the end is for them to know HIM. And I can look back on this year and cry and praise God for He has done miracles in the life of this family!! Miracles!!! Showing me vividly our boys are getting to know their God deeper and deeper) Sometimes we grow in our faith by doing nothing but being still. (God is telling me to rest. Do it! And let this be all about HIM and nothing about me) So I’m working on resting, which seems counter-productive,(resting now when it seems my boys need so much help to accomplish this task ahead – regardless I walk by faith, not by sight! I will rest!) I know. Still, God’s ways are higher than mine and I’m growing in my faith by resting in Him. I don’t always have to be busy doing something to mature as a believer. Right now, it’s more about knowing than doing. And I find peace in the letting go and simply resting.” ~notes from unknown writer

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”
Psalm 46:10

HE will be God who is exalted!! Not me. Oh dear Lord, You be exalted. And please forgive me for making it about me, and limiting Your power, sovereignty, and provision. You have always been faithful to me. Forgive me for not heeding to your voice sooner. I know that you are God. Help me to be still and to have the assurance in my heart and mind that You are with me. Help me in my difficult circumstances to rest in You and to allow YOU TO PROVE YOUR FAITHFULNESS INSTEAD OF TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT ON MY OWN. And I praise you OH LORD for your love that never gives up on me. Love that perseveres on my behalf and behalf of our family. IN Jesus Name, Amen.

So He made my path clear today. Instead of dragging out the impending task at hand scheduled for the end of July, we are scheduled for next week. No more trying to prepare. God will carry us and cover us. We will do what we are required to do. Remembering to fix our eyes on eternity and the things that will matter for eternity.

Today we headed out. To experience LIFE AND LIVING. A car ride singing Jesus Loves Me, and God of Angel Armies to the top of our lungs.  Isaac pointing out “mom that sign on the road says “trust in Jesus”, Maximus sharing with me how he has been enjoying reading the story of Daniel and the Lions Den during his quiet time with God.  Relaxing lunch at the mall. And guess what?  In the natural flow of living by the power and direction of the Holy Spirit – we picked up some books for awhile and read together on stage at the book store. Sweet conversation, connection, and relationship with one another.  It wasn’t’ effort, it wasn’t work, it was joyous living!! A joyous day. Gratitude pouring from the mouth of my boys. Gratitude pouring from my heart to the Lord for His way and not my own.

Is there something that you keep trying to figure out in your life that you can release to the Lord?

What is the biggest obstacle in your life that prevents you from slowing down and being still before God?

What can you do today to “know” that He is God?  If you are stuck, pray about it!

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