“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor. 9 & 10
WHERE WAS JESUS? -August 29th, will always be a day of reflection for me….as well as the weeks to follow…. Yes, it is Isaac’s birthday, it is so much MORE than that for me. Each year I pray for the LORD to give me one more WAY to share HIM through this experience. Today I write: WHERE WAS JESUS? Well you see, from the moment the team of white coats hovered over us with the ABRASIVE news that we would not be going home “tonight”, but rather rushing to the operating room… somehow, by God’s grace my FOCUS went to survival which meant JESUS!
God had been working on me for many years on this TRUST thing. Showing me that focusing on HIM and reliance on HIM is where I found peace. Early in our marriage we said “IF” we ever have children and have a son, we would call him “ISAAC”. But God had us WAIT, WAIT, WAIT AND …… WAIT… through all these years of waiting, the ONLY way I found peace was through daily submitting my will to the Father’s, believing He could do all things, and trust He had my best interest in mind. I yearned with every heart string within me to be a mama – He said… TRUST ME. These years were rich in spending much time in HIS WORD, prayer, and growing in my relationship with my Savior. It prepared me for August 29, 2002 – the team of white coats came in….
WHERE WAS JESUS? At the forefront of my mind. Everywhere and all around. As they whisked me quickly away from my husband, I did not hold back, there was no hesitation, it was automatic reaction, and I was not afraid of offending anyone or worrying what anyone thought. I needed JESUS, and I said out loud “get on that phone, and call other’s to pray – we need people praying”.
JESUS was with us…
1) Jesus was with us when I entered the operating room, my worried husband left on the other side of the cold metal doors, my whole body shaking yet my emotions stayed calm. God took me back to 12 years of age, when I was having a heart catherization performed and I had memorized Psalm 23 to speak and bring comfort. This night. again, I began quoting Psalm 23, and then a gentle voice that seemed so angelic and supernatural but was a nurse over my head said: “Leah everything is going to be okay”. PEACE – peace that surpasses all understanding came over me-INDESCRIBABLE!
2)Jesus was with us when Isaac was ambulanced 30 miles away and there was no room for me… I said out loud: “I will pray for a room” another nurse by my side said.. “can I pray with you?” and we did. Hours later I was across the hall from the NICU.
3)Jesus was with us when we prayed with a Godly couple for our son, submitting our will to the Father’s will, asking for healing, and trusting in Him.
4)Jesus was with us when the doctors informed us 24 hours into his life that your baby is sick and do not know if he will pull through and live…. I wept, I prayed, I read my bible… PEACE Jesus brought that surpasses all understanding that guarded my heart and mind.
5)Jesus was with us when 3 days into his life when he was beginning to breathe more on his own…as we sat in the NICU by his side and the doctors said it looks like your baby is going to live… Jesus was with us as we acknowledged His presence and the honor due HIS name, as we spoke out loud “Praise the LORD”.
6) Jesus was with us as we sang “Jesus loves me” out loud daily, over our son in the NICU.
7)Jesus was with me when I sat at home empty handed, overwhelmed and crying that my baby was so far away… when a song was placed in my hands….. “I will carry you to Jesus”. Comfort to my soul.
8)Jesus was with us after 16 days in the NICU when I feared taking him home after the nurse was still not showing great confidence in his level of or lack of interest in eating… and my husband stepped in and became the STRENGTH that I needed as I became weary.
9)Jesus was with us, in every card, every letter, every meal, every gift, every prayer, every touch, and so much more that was extended to our family.
10)and Jesus was with Isaac the times we were apart, when he was struggling inside me, when God breathed life back into his weak body and made him strong, and Jesus is still with him today in all things!
And I reflect…. WHERE WAS JESUS? When…I was dead in my sins? HE was on that cross, arms stretched out wide, dying for me, for my sins, God breathed life back into Him, so I could have LIFE IN HIM! “so what can I say? what can I do? but offer this heart oh God completely to you… I’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of the ONE who gave it all, I’ll stand to You Lord my soul surrendered all I am is yours” FOCUS INTENTLY ON JESUS!
“Jesus loves me this I know for the bible tells me so, little ones to Him belong, we are WEAK, but HE IS STRONG”
Our son is 12 years old today. 2 months ago he saw the neurologist, who showed with testing that Isaac’s left side is still weak and the brain is not transmitting messages properly due to his stroke at birth.
Yet because God delights to show His power in weakness… he continues to learn much, and in a mystery of the Lord, while Isaac is told he is weak – yet he is demonstrating strength mighty. It really doesn’t make sense… because IT IS GOD! The LORD is using the “weakness” that is medically there, to show even Isaac that someone in him is giving him ability that is not of himself.
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! ” Amen
Due to the stroke, connections in all of life have been pushed down. Helping those relational connections come to life and be real, one of my hugest prayers (of MANY)… as I yearn for him to relate with the Savior.
We SEE how God is using the weakness to demonstrate the REALNESS of our GOD to our own son, as he marvels that was easy and that used to be so painfully difficult – whoa!
We see him recognizing the power of God’s word as he has been taken daily, repetitively to God’s word to battle anxiety, and more… and also rejoices in freedom and victory!! He SEES that all that praying, all that taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ is what has delivered him from so much… and God is continuing to help him SEE more and more of Him ….
Making those connections little by little for hope deep relationship he will have one day…. and even recently with new ways, God is doing much. JESUS is WITH US – HIS SPIRIT AT WORK…