When Moses Doubted His Ability




The vision is coming! COMMUNICATION/RELATIONSHIP TRAINING. Schooling on the Rock! God shows me what we need year by year. Seeing the GREAT NEED to go further. Sat with the WORD and jotted down a zillion scriptures on communicating in varying scenarios of life. Along with a vision to give practical ways to have that unfold in our daily living. Role playing at home. Using these skills with the people we are blessed to interact with everywhere we go in a day. God’s WORD has delivered us from so much! Going to new levels. GOD’s GOT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!


When Moses doubted his ABILITY …

“Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”

The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” Exodus 4:10-13


GOD’s GOT THIS!!!!!!!!

Isaac Shares Who He Is



Who is Isaac?  I have referred to him as a Pediatric Stroke Survivor.  He has survived.  Today, he wants to share who he is.   He will be 14 in a few days.  As I asked him questions.  I truly did not know what to expect his answers would be.  Communication like this can be challenging.  The joy of being his mother, is God has taught me how to pray through communication with him, in order to draw out what God has put inside.  I am BLESSED by his answers.  In fact, they came pretty quickly.


I marveled that Stroke survivor is not a thought in his mind to who he is.  We’ve discussed stroke many times over.  We’ve talked through his challenges due to stroke.  He gladly wanted to share this with you.   In hopes, it may bless someone.  Just really wants to do what he believes God would want him to do.  Share for His purposes and glory.


1) Isaac tell me about yourself – who are you?

ISAAC:  I am a Christian


2).  Who loves you?

ISAAC:  God.  You, mom.  And Dad.  Max..  (Little brother)


3). Who is most important to you?

ISAAC:  God, Mom, Dad, Max, Harry (our dog)


4.) What kind of person are you?

ISAAC:  Kind, helpful, hard working (very true)


5.) What is your favorite color?

ISAAC:  Blue


6.) What are your favorite things to do?

ISAAC:  Karate, basketball, building Legos, video games, spending time with my family


As a mother, this truly blesses me.  As I asked him two last  questions.


7). Have you ever been through anything difficult? ( He had to think really hard to come up with something because we have fixed our minds on all he can do. As well as he doesn’t know anything different than working REALLY hard.  Life has not come easy for him.  In fact, the neuropsychologist said he had never seen such slow processing-the scores were shocking).  Isaac just sees the ability – because Jesus is our ability – and He is Who we focus on – Eph 3:20-21).

Then he remembered the brutal frustrations and intense emotions so hard to control for a long season   “THAT was difficult” he said.


8.)  Do I struggle?  Does dad struggle?  Does your brother struggle?



We’ve been honest with our son.  He had a stroke.  He survived.  Praise be to our Lord and Savior!    He will have to work REALLY hard in his life to make things happen.  What an example we should all follow in our walk with Jesus.   Working hard each day.  We’ve also been honest about our own struggles in this family – whether it  be a sin, a fear, a habit, my own personal physical pain in need of healing, and more.


God and family.  At the top of his heart and mind.  I thank God for this.  We are a family in need.   Every single one of us in our own way.  Helping, praying, encouraging, each other through this life.  Overcoming.  When we are weak, Jesus is strong!


I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus

Phil. 3:14






Richer Life-Special Life – 14

004Count down is on to celebrating this special day – August 29, 2002.  14 years ago the countdown was on. Eagerly anticipating the arrival of our much prayed for, long awaited firstborn son. We had plans. Oh yes, we did. Of course labor and delivery has it’s unknowns. We never expected it to unravel this way. We attended all those classes in preparation. Planned for varying scenarios.


And guess what God taught us straight from the start???!!!! We can make plans, but the LORD directs our steps.


” you formed my inward parts, knitted me in my mother’s womb, wonderfully made, all the days were fashioned for me as yet there were none…” Psalm 139


Not one of those hours of planning out strategies through our labor and delivery classes were used for the arrival of our baby boy.   Not one thing went according to our plan.  I never went into labor. He felt lifeless inside of me. By God’s grace we made it to the hospital to have the team of white coats, race me down the hall in an emergency, in hopes to save our son.


God took us down a path so different from what we would have ever imagined.   Many times on this journey  I attempted to plan out a way, each time God took me to submission and surrender.  From the stay in the NICU, to every day after.  Calling me to rely on Him minute by minute.   This life would be lived daily by His plan. I could not unravel the intricate ways in which our son’s brain ticked from stroke. Every time I made a plan, it crumbled. God literally had me praying minute by minute, relying on Him for every aspect of our daily living in communication, schooling, relationship. Growing, learning, coping ,surrendering, in the moment with the Savior.


Why are we RICHER? This song came on in the car today, as I ran errands in preparation of his 14th birthday party.  Fix my eyes. This is why we are richer:

Live life for another
Take time for a brother
Fight for the weak ones
Speak out for freedom
Find faith in the battle
Stand tall but above it all
Fix my eyes on you, on you
But the road less traveled is hard to walk
It takes a soldier
Who knows his orders
To walk the walk I’m supposed to walk
The things of Earth are dimming
In the light of Your glory and grace
I’ll set my sights upon Heaven
I’m fixing my eyes on you, on you…

FIX MY EYES! This journey has caused our family to FIX OUR EYES MORE FULLY on JESUS. Minute by minute, day by day. Year by year. We’ve experienced God in greater measure. Looking to Jesus. (Heb. 12:2)


We are called to:
* Abide in Him…. (apart from Him we can do nothing – Jn. 15:5)
* Not be conformed to the patterns of this world – our son would not be measured by man in any way shape or form. We would learn to not force him into a mold he did not belong- (Rom. 12:2)
* Trust in the Lord and not our own understanding (Prov. 3:5-6)
* Acknowledge Him and believe Him to direct our path (Prov. 3:5-6)
* Believe His every Word for strength for our life (Ps. 119:28)
* Submit our plans to the Lord (Psalm 16:9)
* Die to ourselves and live for Christ (Matthew 16:24-25)
* LOVE (1 Cor. 13)
* Persevere – believing the promise it produces eternal character (Rom. 5:4)
* Fight for the weak ones (82:3)
* Set our minds on things above not the things of the earth (Col. 3:2-3)
* Walk by faith not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7)
* Greater faith , along with believing in His Reward (Heb. 11:6)
* Walk the way we are called to walk with Christ Jesus – strengthened & in thankfulness (Col. 2:6-7)
* Trust in the Lord, not man – no matter what – believe the promise of blessing  (Jer. 17:5-9)
* Believe that in weakness God promises POWER made PERFECT (2 Cor. 12:9-10)
* Believe the wisdom of this world is foolishness to God (1 Cor. 3:19)
* Take every thought captive in order to obey Christ (2 Cor. 10:5)
* Rejoice, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thess. 5:16-18)
* Believe in the Love of Christ that brings FREEDOM from the lies – (2 Cor. 3:17)
* Store up treasures in heaven (Matthew 6:20)



Let us pray:
“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Eph. 3:14-21


“Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown. Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight…” 1 Cor. 9:24-25


Living for the Imperishable Crown – Rich Reward – Jesus Forever

Oh the Power and Authority of God


It is morning. Heat is intense. So is the east wind. I could rest here forever in this backyard. Taking in the fragrance of these beauties. I can only imagine the perfection of the fragrance of Christ we will experience in eternity.

I read: “stand still and consider the wondrous works of God…Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Who determined it’s measurements? Have you commanded the morning since your days began and caused the dawn to know it’s place? By what way is light diffused, or the east wind scattered over the earth?… with God is awesome majesty. He is excellent in POWER” (from Job 36-37)

“OH! The Splendor, BEAUTY, POWER, AUTHORITY in YOU MY GOD. Powerful and in control.  Power to overcome that which concerns me today. I confess You are God – Creator holding this universe together by Your Word. Lord – Ruler of all things. Savior – Who holds this life of mine together by Jesus the LIVING WORD. Rescuer of my lost soul. Restorer of my life. All KNOWLEDGE, ALL POWER, ALL AUTHORITY. PERFECT LOVE, KINDNESS. Perfect Friend, loving gracious Father, gracious Savior. Faithful and True – You are. I bow my heart, mind, soul, in submission to You again today. The Sustainer of my life. Provider of all my needs. Love that drowns out my fears, hears the cries of my heart. Sovereign Ruler who works all things together for good (even this moment as I write, startled in fret over this flying bug – You provide humor and joy in the reminder of my son Isaac who You have also sustained from womb after stroke, to nearing 14 years of life- to swoop in to reassure me I am okay. And my youngest pointing to how THOUGHTFUL You are to provide colors rather than just black and white.)

Thank You Lord for this gift of life. Thank you for Forgiveness, Faithful Love that will cover me and my family in our short comings and weaknesses, and draw me nearer to You day by day. It is Your Power that spoke this world into existence. It is the POWER of Your EVERY WORD that enables me to continue to walk by faith not by sight. To You be the GLORY forever and ever. IN Christ Jesus Name – Amen.”

What My Son Taught Me Last Night Through the Hidden Life of Cerebral Palsy



I say hidden because Cerebral Palsy hasn’t affected his physical outward appearance to any obvious or severe degree to be noted by others.


The hidden life is everything we do in a day without thought.  That our brain makes happen for us.  Not for a person who has been stricken with stroke.


It’s a different kind of life, because people often base what is happening with someone by outward appearance.  Without truly knowing someone, we do not know why they do the things they do.


That is the REALLY tough part of this journey.  Also, a really beautiful way in which the LORD has taken me to greater “groanings” for the new creation and Jesus forever.  The kingdom to come where this barrier nor any barrier to relationship will ever exist.


Our son has always had a passion for basketball.  It is HARD, HARD work.  I saw a light that came on for him when playing basketball.   For a long time there wasn’t much light I could see in him.  I recall it was between the ages of 8-10, we tried numerous basketball/sports camps.  I saw the joy and light radiate from him in these times.  That light was dimmed each time as the processing became too much, with wailing, turning white,  vomiting,  strength leaving his body.


Those moments I felt all alone on this earth.  It was me and my boy.  Others looked on.  I would hold myself together, feeling the rage of tears and sorrow filling up to the roof of my being, holding it back with everything within me, until I had the quiet place again with Jesus to pour it all out.


He is nearing 14 this August 29th.  God has shown us the way for a wonderful life for our son.  He is amazing, strong, has overcome so much.  And is able, able, able to do so many things well.  The Christian Karate he has been apart of, has been one of our greatest blessings.  He gets to be apart of a loving body of Christ and do a sport that he can hyper focus in on, use his physical ability, and shine a light so bright that is truly Jesus grace, power, made perfect in weakness.


But he still loves basketball.  He’s determined to play.   Last night he was invited to participate in a special evening of playing with his fellow teammates from the winter league we were blessed to be apart of.  God sending a gracious hands and feet of Jesus in an assistant coach back then, who was the support to help bring out the ability in Isaac.  Never a time during the season was it too much….  he was able to thrive.


It is revealed to me quickly, each time he enters into new settings, without the support and structure he is so used to, showing, how utterly taxing it is for his brain to manage all of it.  A warmer evening, without structure.  It was extremely difficult.  He played hard in spite of it, did his best, and break time came.  Fatigue, a coloring on his face that showed the level of stress he was under, and the abdominal pain set in.  We do not know today, what “this” is.  Our last visit to the neurologist never determined a “name”, but noted it is a reaction to stress.


And HIDDEN…. to the rest of the world around us.  Everyone else continued on with fun.  Teammates running off to play.  Ice cream being eaten.  I sat with my son, with ice pack, a quiet prayer against the fence, and waited.


Be thankful in all circumstances… for this is God’s will.  At that moment I was thankful he recovered quickly.  Within 10 – 15 minutes he was “back”.  Ready to play again.  Although that didn’t happen as the team had lost interest and were off to other fun activities in the park.


I awoke this morning full of emotion.  Focusing on the reality of the difficulty it is for him when he leaves the normal life and heads out into places without that support and structure.  Remembering all the times of his struggles, and turmoil as mothers do, because our babies are so connected to our hearts.  I was in an emotional funk.


I asked God’s peace to fill me today.  This is the desire of my heart.  For God to rule my emotions, and be LORD over all.  Pouring out my aching heart, he empathizes.  I am never alone.  And then, God fixed my mind on the ability, once again in my son.

whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things…and the God of peace will be with you”  Phil 4:8-9


My son, taught me that one can be in confusion, not certain of what to do moment to moment, have others not understand (because his teammates didn’t)  be struck down physically in pain and exhaustion, rest, and rise up again and fight the good fight.  He didn’t have it all figured out.  He wasn’t afraid.  He was entering back in, determined to persevere and enjoy this journey in spite of the difficulty.

This is what we are called to as Believers in Christ Jesus the Lord.

“Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.”  1 Tim. 6:12


The Lord showed me vividly, “the JOY of the LORD”  is my son’s strength.  The joy of the LORD is MY strength.


This is a taste of our journey.  I know many personally whose children suffer with seizures, and physical pain, struggles great.


While we  have our experience of stroke and the hidden life of cerebral palsy, there are so many others who have suffered in their own trials and pain.  We do focus on ability in our son, even in the most toughest of circumstances.  I also empathize with those parents, mothers, children, who I have had the privilege of knowing, praying for, who have very difficult paths they are walking.


FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT OF FAITH – it means to agonize.  Fight.  A word used in both military and athletic endeavors to describe the concentration, discipline, and extreme effort needed to win.


We may feel alone on this journey.  May this lead us towards greater dependency on our King.  The One we believe will NEVER leave us or forsake us.


Revelations 21:4-5

“And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

 Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.”


Quiet Me Jesus

The Lord your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

In my arms of love. Isaac made it home.
My hand, daddy’s embrace with kisses. Still being fed through the tube. (he did not like this). Singing over him with gladness.











Jesus loves me this I know for the bible tells me so….


A baby cries.  It is in need.  Mothers and fathers hold them, in warm embrace, rocking, soothing, singing, feeding, telling this little one who is completely dependent on us…  it’s going to be okay.  Because we are depending on “our” Father  Who says “it will be okay”.


How sweet is God’s love.  As I grow in my walk year by year, He takes me to greater and greater comprehension of His love for His children.  For me.  Gracious Oh Lord, He is!  To not only save me from my wretched sins and keep me in His love for the promise of eternity, but  day by day, He soothes me with His love.  His every word, His every promise, His very presence.


We sang over our newborn Isaac.  Laying our hands upon his weak body, hooked up to a ventilator, after suffering a stroke, so sick, his lungs unable to keep him alive, his kidneys malfunctioning, and his heart appearing to not be working in proper order…. we SANG.  Jesus Loves me we sang over him.  Each time we had to walk away, drive home, (I still tear up having to leave my baby behind and go home without him-and yes he’ll be 14 this month) we knew God was continuing to sing over him.  That God was in the midst.  He was not only singing over our son, He was singing over us.  Supernaturally quieting with His love that says “he will never leave us or forsake us.”  Each new day as Isaac grew stronger in the NICU (because God chose to SAVE HIM!) we rocked him in our arms, held him near our heart, and soothed his cries. Quieting him.  Years that followed God would quiet me in His love as I spoke God’s word to our son, quieting him again again in God’s love as he faced each hurdle, overcoming the difficulties of a stroke affected brain.


That’s just what parent’s do.  We sing over our babies. Let us acknowledge why this just wells up inside of us as a natural part of being a parent with our young ones. God our Father, Creator of life, Savior, Creator of us, our children. He is  our example.   He  sings over us, saves us, the MIGHTY ONE, rejoices over us, and yes….  if we really submit as a “little child” acknowledging how helpless we are and in great need minute by minute of our FATHER….  HE WILL INDEED QUIET US WITH HIS LOVE.  I find myself experiencing this in new levels as I seek His will and more of Him day by day.


I shared this verse with our boys the other day.  Sharing with Isaac what I just shared here with you.  As well as sharing with our Maximus all the nights he struggled as infant, appearing to be in distress from tummy pains – something more than just typical needs.  I rocked him.  I sang.  A LOT.   And what a confidence we are given by God our Father in heaven, that He is doing this to even greater perfection and measure for us, for His  children.


One night, I was not with Maximus as a 1 1/2 year old sleeping peacefully in his crib.  An electronic device had malfunctioned and shot across him to damage his closet, as well as set a fire on his blanket he was wrapped inside of.  I awoke the next morning, in shock. Seeing my baby still asleep and God had saved him.  The burn mark in his blanket could have spread as fire does.  IT didn’t.  As the scripture goes, God was in the midst, mighty to save, quieting Maximus with His love.


Maximus in the arms of his daddy & mommy.


My 12 year old burst into tears.  God saved me mom!  He saved me!  As he reflected, knowing God didn’t have to do this, but He did.






God calls us to child like faith.  The greatest saving, God ever has done is saving us from the burning fire of the pit of hell.  He sent His Son to this earth to go to cross to save those who will receive His love.  But as my 12 year old, recognized the magnitude of what God had truly done, we must recognize the severity of the situation we are in.  The sin that separates us as we depend on ourselves rather than Christ.  Apart from Christ, we will endure fire that will consume us for eternity.   God is ready and mighty to SAVE.  To forgive.  To set free. Ready to stop that fire.  As he stopped the fire from touching our son.  He is ready to stop the fire that would consume us forever apart from receiving His love.  Surrender, acknowledging we do not deserve this.  God did not have to do this.  As Maximus realized, and demonstrated in weeping, in gratitude, in the depths of his heart, mind and soul, what God had done for him.   Celebrating GOD’s amazing love.


I haven’t walked every single day in this “quiet of His love” at all.   As an infant is totally dependent on his parents for all his needs, I know that is where I find my greatest experience of God’s love.     The times I truly surrender, acknowledging my dependence on my Father, is when I walk in greater measure of this “quiet place”.  His sweet love.


God is continually sanctifying His children.  This journey is special because as we learn to depend on Him more and more, grow in His grace and knowledge, His LOVE is experienced more and more.  A Father saving us, feeding us, holding us, speaking to us with His every WORD, singing over us. He is rejoicing in the Savior’s work in His beloved children.  Saving us moment by moment day by day until eternity.


May we all experience the MIGHTY ONE, ABLE TO SAVE.  And rejoice in the God of our Salvation Who rejoices over us!!   Saving us from our fears, anxieties, difficulties, and giving us strength as He feeds and cares for us as a gracious loving Father.  Holding us in His everlasting arms.


“The eternal God is your refuge, And underneath are the everlasting arms”

Deut. 33:27-28


Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.  Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me.

 Matthew 18:2-5




How Orcas Are Like Jesus

“Like Jesus… Mom, did you know, the Orca cares for the sick and injured?”

Maximus had studied and connected these traits as the very nature of GOD.  I proceeded to read up – I wanted to know.


THIS IS WHAT I FOUND: “WHY ORCAS WILL NOT ABANDON THEIR DISABLED MATES” (I had NO idea-but my 12 year old did!) They guard, protect, look after, and care for the weak one. An animal so special and none like it.


An example of compassion, loyalty, providing for needs. Sharing their hunt, not indulging selfishly, but SHARING in equal parts. Social, looking after the weak, disabled and young in the family.


THIS IS WHAT MATTERS to this mama’s heart … “no greater joy…. truth for my children”




” Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” ~Eph. 5:1&2