The Light Shines in the Darkness Jn. 1:5


I stood outside my back door in the pouring rain this morning.  I left the door cracked to hear this song playing (below), as I worshiped the Lord, and reflected in tears of the seasons He has carried me through.


I am 45 3/4 years old. I’ve been in pain and deep sorrow of many kinds in my life.  I’ve been deeply afraid. Rejected. I’ve grieved losses of many kinds. I’ve walked, feeling numb, alone, scared, desperate. I’ve held onto the ONE and only hope I have ever had. I have sought, I have fought, I have fallen  again and again.   I have risen and carried on. Only by the EVERY WORD of my Commanding Officer – Jesus Christ my Lord.


“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;  persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”  2 Cor. 4:8


Who has picked me up, brushed me off, told me again and again I can do this? Who has comforted my broken heart? Who has said “it’s going to be okay?”. Christ my KING!

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3

I have scars.   On my chest from the emergency open heart surgery at age 1 1/2 after going into heart failure.  I have scars from two cesarean operations for the birth of our boys.  Starting with our first in an emergency to save his life as he was literally dying inside of me.  These physical scars are beautiful to me.  The Lord uses them to point to life.  I have scars of other kinds.  Remembrance of the deep emotional pain I fought so hard to be set free from. Scars that remind me of the battles. Battles I have fought hard to overcome. I am not a victim, I am a soldier. And every battle I’ve fought and every scar that remains, I rejoice in my Savior.  These scars are beautiful reminders of His amazing love and faithfulness that truly has set me free and given me beautiful life!


My JESUS! For it was Jesus, Who fought the greatest battle ever, who endured, pressed on with joy, to go further, no turning back, onward to the CROSS OF LOVE. Who knew the full plan… even though painful to take upon my sin, the sin of the whole world, the wrath of God the Father against sin – Jesus bore it all. In total darkness that we cannot even comprehend nor will ever experience if we choose to place our faith in Him. In truth… knowing there was a plan, a purpose, He went. Victory! He rose up! From the grave!  His perfect plan! To overcome and give life! A plan of incomprehensible humility from the HOLY LOVE of the KING OF HEAVEN.  Came  to suffer, in order to save. To rise again. To give the promise of life and victory to every one of His children.


His body broken, the blood poured out and He is risen! He is LORD! Thomas, when seeing Jesus for the first  time in the victorious, resurrected body – he doubted.   Jesus pointed him to the scars.  The beautiful scars that had to “be” in order  to bring LIFE!


But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

These words to this song are a proclamation of my life.   The ROCK ON WHICH I STAND in the storms of life. The seasons of deep dark clouds and pouring rain, cold and barely to move at times… I felt the warmth of His every word to strengthen me. He sees what I am walking through, and sees the victory one day at a time I am actually walking in already… doubting sometimes like Thomas. He is gracious and reminds me “remember the scars”.  His love does not disappoint. His love is for me.

I think it is important  to remember, when we are walking on and it is so very dark, the rain keeps coming, the wind keeps blowing,  we must remember He has a full plan. Jesus walked onward to the cross, the plan was He would RISE IN VICTORY! And because of this, all who put their faith in Him, are promised this same victory.

So as we trudge along the muddy paths, may it give us greater faith to believe, “he has not forsaken us”, but we are walking through the hardship, in exercise.  Exercising our faith.  To greater faith.  As in all exercise, as well as the training involved as soldiers, it is painful.  We know however, that the pain involved is strengthening.  That applies to the physical, but also the spiritual life.  This trial, draws us to dependency on the HOLY ONE. WE need Him. We desperately need Him. Even on our greatest days, we need him. And truth be told, I realize more and more on my GREAT days when I am having those feeling of “everything seems altogether and right”, it is a reminder of how much I need Jesus. It’s so easy to go our own way, and forget how much we really need God. We might forget in a minute. How gracious is HIS LOVE He never forgets how important we are to Him.


“Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you!” Isaiah 49:15


But we must surrender. As the song goes.. “surrendering my whole life”.  Anew each day.


I have walked the cloudy, rainy, muddy path in many facets of life. I also walk in victory!   Every day because of what Christ did on the cross to secure my salvation. I live the victory in new seasons, as I see all the storms of this life has forced me into the arms of my God. And in these arms is STRENGTH beyond STRENGTH.  Seeing Him do more than I could have EVER truly imagined in my life and the life of my family. I have been blessed beyond measure.  I have experienced the supernatural love and peace of the Savior minute by minute, day by day.  I have reaped blessings, and joy. I have experienced days waking with feeling like I had nothing to give.  And no energy to run on.  Not knowing how I would even take a step or do anything God would call me to do.  And I have experienced the incredible truth that carries me- living and active- again and again finding myself  in awe and joy and wonder. Waking feeling so empty, and realizing each day, again and again God has done it for me.


He has indeed overcome in my fears, my hurt, my pain, and given me a greater life! His Words testify that my understanding of what is happening at any given moment is puny, that HIS WAYS ARE SO MUCH HIGHER THAN MINE. Isaiah 55:9


I pray you know the great love of the KING OF HEAVEN. May we march together as soldiers, fighting the temptation to believe the lies. May we press onward believing the ONE Who in His great love, desires only our best,  what is right, purifying, and purposeful for His children.


This life is to be lived with the real home in mind. With Jesus in the KINGDOM forever.
The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever. 1 John 2:17

Let us press onward. “Not being conformed to the patterns of this world, but being transformed…” Romans 12:1-2

This is the victory!

And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Cor. 3:18

This is the song:    BIGGER THAN

You are able to provide
You are faithful in perfect time
Your goodness overwhelms
I am held

Through the fire, you’re my shield
Your protection never fails
No power can’t separate
I am saved

You are bigger than all my fears
God of love, God my love
You are bigger than all my dreams
God my hope, God my peace
Whatever will come my way
Through each day, I will say
“God I trust you, God I trust you”

You’re the treasure I desire
I surrender my whole life
For your glory, my great reward
I am yours
Use me Lord

You are the God who always sees us
Even if bare and desperate seasons
No matter what the circumstance
You are the rock on which I stand