I was pursuing in all the wrong ways… I felt a struggle. I thought I was doing what God wanted of me… to reach out, reach out, reeeeeaaaach…. but each time I “tried” something wasn’t right. God kept showing me this is “where I want you” and it wasn’t out there where I was reaching…. and I didn’t quite get it.
Why does the good that I am reaching out to not feel right? Why do I feel this struggle? This is why: “You have hedged me behind and before, and laid Your hand upon me.” Psalm 139:5.
God has hedged me in! A hedge of protection. When I am reaching even in good ways out, it isn’t where HE wants me right now. I am reaching out of the hedge of protection to places I do not belong in this particular season. My struggle? My very hand reaching out past the hedge of protection and GOD’s gracious hand “laid upon me” – holding me right where He wants me.
His gracious hand faithfully keeping me in this place of safety, love, and rest. What more could I ask for? This hedge all around showing me to reach out and around within the these borders, He has placed me. Right here with my husband, children, home. Stop looking outside of the hedge of protection HE has placed me in to see, peek, at everything good within the Body of Christ going on this Christmas season. Good for others-important for others. I rejoice.
However, things I am not to be apart of in this season. But definitely I am apart of His magnificent plan right here where I am at. It’s been surreal how He has made every effort to stop my attempts to be elsewhere,and made certain I remain where I am.
So I surrender, and trust – in this season. This Christmas season – again. IN a new way. Though I may not understand it all, now. Or partly, but not all at once. I do understand and SEE clearly, He is calling me to saturate myself in deeper dependency and relationship with Him, my husband, and children. HE couldn’t make it any clearer. Calling me to stop reaching outside of His hedge of protection, and be still and serve within. Stop pursuing and striving, and “rest in this place, where His hand is upon me”