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Migraines are a painful experience.  And when one has suffered through them for many years, and again one comes, it leaves so many feelings inside.  Of course, pain.  Then there is intensity of pain depending on how the medication is going to work this time.  Then there is the “wondering” how intense will this get?  Will it be like the time when I was also vomitting for 12 hours, every 20 minutes with stabbing pain?  Will it last a day, two, or 5?  Will I end up in the emergency room getting a shot?  Will I be able to make plans later this week?  And so on…

It leaves a lot of unknowns, while enduring pain.  And it has deepened my dependence on Jesus.  As I have sought for answers, help, many times over.  And while I sooo praise Him in the past year to have way less of them.  And hope and pray that pattern will continue… I still get them.

I can be living life, fully in tuned and alive, in an instant everything changes.  I am in pain, fatigued, and in a fog.  Often praying my way through, an quoting scripture to counter attack the fear that tries to come in causing symptoms to be worse with anxiety.  Over the years, I have learned to be stiller, rest more, and “remember”, “remember”, “remember”, I will get through this, it will be okay.  It always ends up being okay.  I move on and I live.  When it has lifted, it’s like I have literally been pulled out of the darkness of a trench.  I am fully here and alive.

But what God does through these times.  Is beautiful .  What God showed me & the gifts he gave, this week through PAIN.

As much as I do not like pain. This week has been one of that for me. As strange as it may sound – I have seen such good in it. I sat quoting verse after verse including “fear not…I will uphold you with My righteous right hand” the other day. I thought about God’s hand.

I thought about my loving family’s hand.  My Maximus bending down in an instant to pray.  Encouraging me with loving words.  My husband doing extra after he has worked all day.

And I thought about this tiny little hand that held onto his life support tubes. My hand on him day after day in pain and trials of life for years. Praying, sowing God’s Word-through the obstacles of stroke. This “little” hand today, so big now, reached out to me in my pain. Serving me breakfast in bed that he cooked. Came to me later to take my dish away (the work of God. brain injury leaves one to operate off routine, memorization-to go outside that is glory to God). When I asked him to pray, he gladly did. He didn’t have to reach out to do it. Touch isn’t his usual extension of love, yet not only did he pray, but he reached out his hand, placed it on my shoulder as he prayed pleas of healing for mom. What has all this “suffering” produced? Character and HOPE that does not disappoint.