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In anticipation of Isaac doing his 3rd grade state required home school testing on Monday, I began to have a private emotional meltdown tonight. I know Isaac’s learning challenges are very much there and he truly is not at the level of the world’s standard of even “average” in academics. It’s a big struggle for him – but I am thankful that most of the time it doesn’t get him down – because God carries Him and because we can school at home in a way that still brings peace and calm to him. These past few weeks I have asked people to cover him in prayer for the upcoming testing. We started practice testing and after 20 minutes he was so tired he had to take a short nap. He has literally been prayed over day by day in preparing him the best we can for doing what is required of us to do. I will praise the Lord once again, for His great works in taking Isaac from struggling with 20 minutes to now being able to handle 2 hours of testing with calm, free from anxiety and the ability to take moments of confusion that would normally end up in a anxiety attack, to be stopped in it’s tracks and him being able to just “move on”.
But tonight, I began to think about all the times others have looked at me, at him, and shook their head or given a look like – “hmmmm” when a noticeable glitch shows up. Most of the time, no one would know that Isaac has processing challenges that indeed go very deep. They are to the point that he would not be able to learn in a regular classroom. He needs one on one assistatnce to help keep him on track – he can lose his way fairly easily, and needs constant reminders and help as to where he is and what he is doing.
The first time I got a look that I will never forget was the night Isaac was born. The doctor who I had been seeing throughout the whole pregnancy but was not on duty the night Isaac was born, came to see me. All I remember is him standing there with arms folded, shaking his head and putting the blame on me. Since then, I have had doctor after doctor look at him with puzzling looks and concerns, as well as many others who have interacted with him .
So what am I emotional about tonight? What kind of look I’m going to get once again, after Isaac’s test taking is over. There is so MUCH behind the emotions I get when the response is what it is from others. But once again, I found my quiet place, which was the bathroom tonight, knelt on the floor, cried out to the Lord and asked him to give me His help and perspective. I felt peace and calm and exited my “sanctuary” and was approached shortly after by Isaac at 8:00 pm asking to draw a picture of a brain. I think this is hilarious and God has a sense of humor. When I asked what prompted this – he said “I just thought of it”. So I got him his paper, and a picture to follow – which he was not able to even draw the outer basic shape it ended up looking like a triangle and I showed him how to trace the shape instead and he filled in the details on his own. One thing followed another, next was his unusal intrigue with a a geography book, followed by a book about the earth and volcanoes, followed by a request to do a deeper study on the topic.
This once again astounded me because this is NOT everyday for him-he’s so random….the way one moment something turns on and he is SO engaged and focused is so fascinating to me -it just goes so deep for him when he’s in that place – the Lord just never ceases to amaze and surprise me with this kid – the way he works is just so out of the “normal” – and I LOVE it and LOVE him!
God is so faithful because everytime I begin to worry and take it to Him in prayer He will bless me in the most unexpected ways.
I’ve been connecting with other moms with stroke survivor kiddos – they rejoice at EVERY small, yet SO BIG achievements in a way that is different for our other children – I think because when you have a kid that you know God has literally spared and chosen to live with challenges in a WORLD that sees the the “disabilities” as a deficit – yet we can see the the amazing strength and perserverance in them that is SO not a deficit – BUT A rather an ABILITY to display God’s power, a rich lesson to teach the world and what truly matters -allowing God to use the weak to show His strength and a spiritual perspective that is based on heavenly and not earthly standards!
So testing on Monday…. I believe in God, I hope in God, and trust in God – and I will stand confident in the work God continues to do in Isaac’s life, in my life, in the life of our whole family. We live for Christ alone, we are not of this world, but are pulled out of this world and it’s thinking – God is bigger, greater, higher, than what we can see with our own eyes – His idea of life and what really matters is is far beyond our comprehension. But I do believe he uses the weak to show His power –
For God says: “My grace is sufficient for you, for MY power is made perfect in weakness” There fore I, Leah, Isaac (all God’s children) may boast in my weaknesses that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake I delight in hardships, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12: 9 & 10