Awoke. Sat in my little spot. Began to pray. All of a sudden it came to me, I have been sitting in this spot every morning for so many years, raising our sons, and pouring out my heart. And today, they are 14 and 16, and I’m still pouring it out. The prayers, the needs, the desires are much different. But I remember. And it is SO good to do! I remember morning after morning when they were 3 & 5, 4 & 6, 7 & 9, 9 & 11.. shall I go on?
I knew only God could give me what I needed to be a mom to these two gifts from above.I was starting from scratch, with nothing to go on, or to depend on but the help of Jesus. Didn’t know how to home school. What? Huh? Me? Seriously..wow. Step further, a stroke survivor? Speech therapy, so many special WAYS needed that I had to learn with deep into the many nights on the computer. Taking his neurological notes and researching, gleaning, and praying. Teaching these unique children who would have been given such a hard & painful, detrimental go at it… to be out in the world, in school, misunderstood, their needs neglected. Emotionally, Spiritually, and even the way they learn academically.
I AM ONLY SPEAKING for US and WHAT I KNOW TO BE TRUE, so this is only an encouragement for those who might need this special encouragement for the direction God may be leading you. I JUST WANT THOSE WHO think this is TOO HARD, TOO MUCH, TOO UNIQUE to meet these needs… that GOD IS MORE THAN ENOUGH. He is EAGER and PRESENT and WANTING TO GIVE POWER & HELP and SHOW YOU WHAT HE WILL DO.
I know my weakness. Believe me. Believe me! In my flesh, every day, I awoke with the heaviness of the responsibility upon me to MEET these kiddos.. and REALLY meet them inside their deepest places – and with a firstborn with CP, this was a DIFFICULT, LONG, ARDUOUS, GRUELING, and YET every time I committed myself to the task, and refused the doubt and received the truth, JESUS POWER available to me, HIS TRUTH of HIS EVERY WORD to CANCEL out every lie-. I have been raised again morning to evening, with His resurrection power. Each time it required of me to pause, slow down, sit and take that EXTRA time over and over again and again to meet him, to help him, and see God OVERCOME the barriers. Many days with personal hardships in health, fatigue, pain… trusting in HIM Who calls me as faithful. The gift of my husband to carry me, and tell me keep going, it’s going to be okay. And it has!!! Better than OKAY!!! AMAZING.
As I sat here this morning beginning to pray, in my special little spot that God has granted me by His mercy to do for all these years, I remember EVERY SINGLE day, I came to Him, with desire to have JOY, to SEE VICTORY, to SEE JESUS. And every single day, I TESTIFY TO THIS CRY OF MY HEART ANSWERED – VIVIDLY. Raising me up and turning what felt like an overwhelming task before me, to immense JOY and VICTORY.
I remember this little spot. It wasn’t JUST a stop in my morning routine. This little spot, I ran to, as I was determined to grow in patience, grow in understanding, determined that my flesh would not rule, but the Spirit of God, I would RUN… to my JESUS… to this little spot. Plant myself here for a refresher…again and again throughout my day. Jesus would be here in my quiet few moments, to lift me up. Give me courage and strength and BLESS ME BEYOND measure with JOY – seeing HIM DOING IT AGAIN AND AGAIN for me.
This has been the most incredible journey seeing JESUS overcome so much in me!! In our children. Seriously hurdles, and seriously SEEING HIM meet the deep, longing desires of my heart. Most importantly, far above any other desire, that they may truly KNOW Jesus in relationship, be saved, and live a life with desire to Follow Him.
I look at notebooks upon notebooks that lay in a pile. You heard of bible translation? While in my own kind of way, I had created a TYPE OF BIBLE TRANSLATION. I saw the DEEP NEED, AND DEFICIT for our firstborn for a LONG time. With a deficit that left specialists highly concerned. The ability to process language SO hard. Output and taking it in. So I began to “translate” as much as the bible as I possibly could (as the Lord directed and made me see one day to the next which pages to cover), not just bible stories. We also read those as many as we could. Children’s bible stories. But I wanted rich spiritual TRUTHS that you don’t find in a bible story book. Daily the Lord would give me ways in which to “translate” important doctrines, and rich attributes of God, the truth of our desperate need for Jesus, and put it into words and pictures that brought UNDERSTANDING that could be processed in the mind, and then go to the heart.
I think of the many ways we have been given an opportunity to be JESUS for our children. I remember how much they needed me (again stroke survivor meant holding my hand over his to learn to do cursive..etc.. on and on) to keep directing them. How I wanted them to be able to accomplish these tasks eventually on their own, but FOR NOW.. and NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES, I WILL BE THE HAND AND JESUS FOR THEM.
I testify today, that in the past couple years, our stroke survivor has grown leaps and bounds in his ability to process speech. IN HIS TIME! (God’s TIME – He makes all things beautiful).
I sit here in my little spot today, remembering facing each day before, wondering, how? Knowing JESUS was the only way, and remembering being in AWE of HIS PRESENCE through all times. I reflect all God has done, and continues to do, and that He is not finished yet.
I just felt compelled to share. I have felt alone, VERY alone at certain seasons in this. I have felt scared, intimidated at moments from the pressure of others around, within, the not knowing, the “different” path.. but I know for sure these should ONLY be momentary thoughts that should not rule us. Taking every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ our Lord. This sets us free. And gives us the strength and ability to press on in HIS WAY. Not conformed to this world. Trusting in God not man. The blessed life.
Pray. Run to Him. One minute to the next. I am doing this again today. Praising Him for the IMMENSE VICTORY HE HAS DONE- praying still for the desires of my heart for our sons. Seeking Him still, now and forevermore.
What a joy. Honor. Privilege to be in relationship with JESUS, and together in this family, as husband and wife, with our children.
Blessed be the name of the Lord. 
