Heard my little brother crying in the other room.  There was no one at the moment to help him but me.  I went to check on him.  I wasn’t sure what to do.  I just told him “don’t worry,  everything will be okay”.

There is power in the name of JESUS!!!  If you know our story even a tiny bit, you’ll know why this moment of compassion extended was the workings of a great and mighty God who truly hears the cries of mama’s hearts.

“do not grow weary in doing good, for you will reap a harvest, if you do not lose heart”  Gal. 6:9

Believe in the LORD Jesus Christ and you will be saved.  Believe in His power that is at work in us and through us as instruments to be used for the purposes and plans for our children’s lives.

You know I can look back on so many things that I waited longer than I wanted to for. I see again, now, what God has been busy doing. Being faithful, as He says He is, to complete His work in me, in us/our family. I am experiencing, in the waiting and in His timing, He makes all things beautiful as He promises. Like the “point” in my own life, of waiting, waiting, waiting, is He wanting to refine me and show me HIS great LOVE for me – because each time I have waited, however difficult and painful at the time it has been (and most painful because of my own “self” and my weak/sinful finite wisdom not recognizing the wisdom of God that is infinite!!!), I can look back and see how He was doing a much needed work in me, humbling me, and setting me freer, drawing me deeper into communion with Him. And ultimately Him pointing me to HIM and ridding me of myself and the things of this world…and pointing me to a deeper place of focus on eternity where there is so much more beauty to behold everyday. Making life all about HIM and the glory due His name. Him ridding me of “myself” (and yes, I confess I didn’t always just enter into this without momentary kickn’ & screamin’) in order to bring so much more joy, gratitude, and contentment in this life. I am reflecting on a particular scenario at this moment, and standing in AWE of how good He has been to us, in taking us through what seemed a lonely, trial, and seeing how truly loving He has been, showing me how foolish I can be, yet seeing HOW faithful and loving He is to His children. For when I get to this place…

as the song goes…
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost
Lead me to the cross where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees, Lord, I lay me down
Rid me of myself, I belong to You
Oh, lead me, lead me to the cross

In a mix of mostly strangers at a party. I began to share of our special needs life. Testimonies of God’s great faithfulness. My enthusiasm was slightly trumped by a woman who works in a “system” I shall call it, for children just like my son. A world system we knew is exactly where he did not belong. Offering her expertise and even a home visit I knew then we were absolutely two worlds apart. She would hear nothing no matter how much I testified. I felt sad and yes the enemy placed a slight stamp of defeat over me ever so temporary. She does not know my son, but even more realized she did not know me. And quite possible she did not know my Savior. She does not know the radical life we have chosen. Radical motherhood. I have decided to follow Jesus.

I felt like such a stranger and I was standing in a foreign country. Speaking my language and yet she was not able to interpret. My heart was crying out inside, wanting to say, but didn’t… ” Don’t you want to hear about all the blessings and beauty and magnitude of the work of the Lord? Don’t you want to hear of how this loving Savior Who created moms and dads for their children can equip them with His power (His power that works in us – Eph. 3:20), through faith, and trust and obedience. The miracles to the benefit of the parents lives, the children’s lives, and beyond? Oh and now…you are sharing your story. The crowded classrooms. Not enough help. Children are not getting needs met. Why can’t you hear? Why can’t you see? And yet you think you have something to offer me, but I want to say I have something to offer this broken world. God has more.

Awoke the next morning with some anxiety over the things I did share. Fear crept in for considering maybe I said more than I should have. I leaned on the wisdom of the Lord through the vessel of my husband in his reassurance… “that is when we must trust God and His covering over our lives”. And peace came.

Greeted at church hours later by a Sister I had just met a couple weeks prior. ” I cannot help but think that what you shared about your son was purposefully and intentionally orchestrated by God. Later that same week I was talking with a friend about her 9 year old son.” She went on explaining this boy who has been in the world system from the start. A mother doubting her place and abilities to be what her son needs. A boy that needs to be rescued from being made to believe something is wrong because he isn’t like all the rest. A boy described as my son, who was entering into a new phase of anger at the same age my son went through his. This Sister in Christ asked me “is it too late to pull him out now-too late to help him?”. I reassured her it was not. Sharing more of how God took us through this time in our boy’s life and has done radical work. A boy who knows LOVE and security. A boy who knows he is valuable. A boy who we know would not be, if we had not chosen to live radically in our commitment to following Jesus and against the grain of the world.

Radical for us has meant leaving a church body because God had somewhere else He wanted to take us (we just didn’t know where yet), leaving behind the opinions of man, groups that weren’t ministering to the needs God knew we all had,walking directly opposite of the professionals, pulling our son out of every social interaction that did not have the structure he needed, dying to pride, dying to approval of men and rather learning more of what it means to yearn for the approval God, and sweetly abiding in our home sweet home, abiding under the shadow of the Almighty, as our children abide more tightly and securely under our covering, under God’s covering and prayed our way through each day basking in His presence. Soaking ourselves in HIS WORD to us daily Living day after day in the great unknown and asking God to lead us being our LIGHTHOUSE!

As worship started, I promised to pray for this boy and his mom. Praying God will radically show her the significance she has beyond what she knows at this moment. Her role and call as the honored chosen instrument of LOVE ordained by God for her child.
Our family joined together under the roof of our new place of fellowship. Worshiping together side by side, arm over shoulder down through all four of us. How prevalent the songs were to my soul. As I stood in tears once again. Oh how He has been our Lighthouse. Not fearing tomorrow, each morning we rise and sing, believing in God’s love to lead us through troubled seas, His fire before us to guide us in the darkness, leading us safe to shore.
We sang:
My Lighthouse, my lighthouse
Shining in the darkness, I will follow You
My Lighthouse, my Lighthouse
I will trust the promise,
You will carry me safe to shore
I won’t fear what tomorrow brings
With each morning I’ll rise and sing
My God’s love will lead me through
You are the peace in my troubled sea
Fire before us, You’re the brightest
You will lead us through the storms

Yes, I was a foreigner the day before sharing in a foreign country. And I reflected how choosing to go and leave and move into unknowns left us as foreigners seeking out our “place”. This day I was not in a foreign place. Worshiping and speaking the same language to our Savior. ** A sister in Christ listened with consideration about the possibility that it is not too late for her friend’s son. She could hear and comprehend the truth’s I shared.
The LORD showing me two worlds. The world that is blinded to the truth of who mother’s, wive’s and children are called to be and where their divine purpose is. The world blinded to the honored place God has created for us to live in. Humbly serving as Jesus did. And then He showed me a boy, just like my son, who is lost in this world. And my heart breaks. And I pray that this mom will be able to hear this message of truth as my Sister in Christ shares with her friend.
And the next song… Beautiful words so perfect to my heart and soul we sang. Exactly my testimony, my gratitude and the TRUTH of Who God is in our life!

Your love is like radiant diamonds
Bursting inside us we cannot contain
Your love will surely come find us
Like blazing wild fires singing Your name
God of mercy sweet love of mine
I have surrendered to Your design
May this offering stretch across the skies
And these Hallelujahs be multiplied

Bursting inside with His love His love perseveres for the fullness of our hearts, and His sweet design. What design? His design! His design for family. For fathers, mothers, children. Using our son as the vessel of sweet design. Causing us to live radically different from the world’s design. When we TRULY surrender to God’s perfect design all we can do is offer praise to His beauty and majesty and holiness and offer hallelujah’s unending. As we live radically as a foreigner, HE takes our humble offerings that seem mundane and unimportant to the rest of the world and multiplies for His perfect plan and glory due His name. May I lift my hands in praise to Him in unending hallelujah’s that will never be enough worthy to our Lord, and just say, Lord multiply, multiply, multiply!!!!!

God’s perfect design. Relationship. A savior Who came radically down from heaven to radically live and die so that I might have life. Today, tomorrow and for all eternity in heaven! A Savior that is the author of relationships, family, mothers, fathers, children.. the author and creator of life. A savior that desires for His creation to recognize the beauty of HIS design. Surrender and repent of our own sinful nature and the mindset that leads to death, surrender to His design which brings life!

** Now, therefore, you are no longer strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God,  having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ Himself being the chief cornerstone,  in whom the whole building, being fitted together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord, in whom you also are being built together for a dwelling place of God in the Spirit.  Eph 2:18-21

A new day had begun.  Little brother Maximus has not yet learned how to turn the forces of cold and hot in the proper mixture to ignite a shower of morning refreshment upon him.   A new day had dawned and bless the Lord oh my soul, big brother Isaac led him through and prepared a nice shower to help little brother start the morning.

The day carried on and evening came.  Mom was exhausted and called it a night early. Boys stayed up to watch a movie together. Mom awoke to the sound of footsteps down the dark hall. Both boys being careful not to awaken mom and dad.  Little brother leading quietly,  into a bedroom with instructions to close the door.  Big brother followed.

Curious mom  jumped out of bed and placed an ear pried to the outside of their door.

Little brother Maximus was leading big brother Isaac in a prayer.  It’s the routine for mom to do each night.  He was stepping in and making sure it happened.  The sweetest prayer, covering over our family and friends with his big brother already tucked in bed (mom could see through the crack) praying along by his side.  In Jesus Name, Amen.

Mom darted back to bed, tucked inside her own covers, hearing them settle in their own beds now, with a good night.  Smiling, and a tear in her eye, she quietly whispered “Thank you God”.

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” Romans 12:10

The sun comes up it’s a new day dawning

it’s time to sing Your song again

whatever may pass and whatever lies before me

let me be singing when the evening comes!

Bless the Lord Oh my soul…..

I share because I’ve spoken with weary moms recently.  Most with younger children than I.  Yes, I’m still in a season of planting seeds with boys just 10 and 12.  I find the sense of urgency to be planting intentionally everyday through prayer, relationship, the Word of God.

Seeds take time to grow.  And in God’s time He makes all things beautiful.  Farmers must be patient, care daily for their fields and wait.  Physical labor and not a glamorous job.  Motherhood has been a time to test my limits of emotional, physical, and spiritual strength.  And in my many weaknesses God has been the faithful ONE to carry me on.  “I can do all things through Christ Who gives me strength”.  Phil 4:13

I have been in the trenches and have held onto hope.  Oh I could tell you a million stories of very much not glamorous motherhood.  The trials, the pain, and the exhaustion and days without showers and throwing up of  two kids at once… and sicknesses that seemed unending, and attitudes that broke my heart, and I could go on… but inbetween all those moments, God has always given me  unspeakable JOY that us mothers are given by our gracious God. Laughter and reasons to celebrate.  Answered prayers!!!  And even the tiniest of achievements – that are to HIM the GLORY and HONOR!  Each milestone, each lifting of a hand, the new word spoken, a reminder of the magnificent creation of God and His beautiful design moment by moment forming our children.  And each sin that is manifest is the reminder of the fallen state of all man, and the need to be planting seeds of God’s truth and love and discipline into the lives and hearts and souls of our children. This life of motherhood is indeed a gift from God.  Not only to be chosen to plant seeds into these lives for His kingdom, but also the seeds inside ourselves that He is growing to completion through the life of parenting.

What a gift we have been given to plant the Word of God into the lives of our children. Even at the earliest age, a Jesus LOVES me song, etc.. can impact our little ones. We were encouraged to sing in the NICU to our boy. Jesus LOVES me is what we sang…and continued to sing when we brought him home… for a little boy who didn’t communicate much at 4… one night during a horrific ear infection, I watched his lips quiver, and of all things, I placed my ear near him and he was saying..”JESUS LOVES ME THIS I KNOW..” MOMS ARE CHOSEN VESSELS OF GOD TO MINISTER TO HIS BLESSED CHOSEN CREATION – KNOW YOU ARE VALUABLE IN YOUR CALL OF MOTHERHOOD!
“I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.” 1 Cor. 3: 6 – 7

God’s Promise:

“do not grow weary in doing good, you will reap a harvest if you do not lose heart” – Galatians 6:9

Every day, yesterday, today, tomorrow, forever is about the blood for us.  The precious shed blood of Jesus for the sins of the world!!

We celebrate daily the life in our Savior.  Our chains are gone!  Our souls are secure  we are no longer in bondage, we are set free!!  Because of sacrifice on the cross the shed blood of the Savior.  We daily honor Him, and October 31st will be no exception.

What will we be doing October 31st?  Celebrating life.  Praying over our neighborhoods,  rejoicing in fellowship with other believers in Christ, and sharing the gospel message with the one’s the Lord brings in our path.  All things we do every day!!  And this day will be no different.    “THIS IS THE DAY THE LORD HAS MADE I WILL REJOICE AND BE GLAD IN IT”  PSALM 118:24

We have nothing to fear on this day.  Nothing.  As Christians we have the blessed security and peace that runs through our souls.

So what did I tell my 10 year old, when he knocked on his neighbor friend’s door to inquire about riding bikes, troubled over the sight’s he saw for their seasonal yard decor?  I told him to fear not, even though he walks through the valley of the shadow of death, fear no evil, for God is with him.  I told him to turn his eyes and thoughts from the evil and focus on the blood – that is the BLOOD OF JESUS.  Be thankful in these moments for what Christ has done, and fix his eyes on what is true, noble… fix His eyes on Jesus and the blood that sets men free!

What did I tell my son, who has already shared the gospel with his friends, when they keep bringing up their topics of blood and gore? I told him to bring out the salvation cube, and show them this…  simply say, THIS!! IS THE BLOOD I CHOOSE to THINK ABOUT everyday that saves me from sin and hell.

So what did my son do?  He did just that and MORE!  Broke out his cube and then went further and broke out his bible.   Marched into home, tucked the WORD under his arm, and sat on the porch and gathered a small crowd  and began to read in the book of Genesis, paraphrasing as he went, determined to show God’s full plan for the people.  I’m quite certain he would have kept reading all the way through Revelations, if anyone sat that long to listen.

Questions were asked, ears listened intently.  Some appeared to desire this truth, others were skeptical.  I made my way to the porch.  Engaged in answering some questions.  Shared more of the plan of salvation and repentance and faith.  Heaven and hell.  And on and on… sealed it all with a promise to pray and be available to their questions and needs.

October 31st will be no different than any other for us.  Celebrating life.  Celebrating the power of the blood of Jesus.

“the light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot overcome it”  John 1:5

Home Schooling, educating, discipling.   A wife, a mother.  Who shall I minister to today?  Who will I cross paths with?  My husband and children in the heart of our home. We do not have to go far to be sharing the love of Jesus.  To be serving and caring, and discipling for the kingdom of God.

They are 10 and 12.  And there have been days, seasons, of weariness, moments of doubt.  And yet conviction that this is our call for our family that has carried us on.  Many days of holding it together and sneaking away multiple times in a day to burst into cries before the Lord.  In His faithfulness He has picked me up in an instant and carried me onward…  a child that has been a mystery to unravel.  A walking of faith, not by sight.  Two precious gifts.  That God has used to enhance my life, my marriage, and relationship with Him.  That has caused me to view the kingdom of God as the focus of our lives as the only thing that truly matters in the end.

Days of joy!! Victories! And yes… many days where I will be honest I could barely move. A bible in one hand asking God to speak to me minute by minute as I ministered to my son asking the Lord to give me what I needed to reach inside his unseen and hidden world and bring him out.

“don’t grow weary in doing good – you will reap a harvest if you do not lose heart”  Gal.

Who am I to think I shouldn’t have to walk this road-let go of this or be refined like this?   Apostle Paul was filled with such passion and counted it all joy.  Rather I stand GRATEFUL for the road I have been given to walk.  In it all it has increased my trust and faith in a God so mighty.

I consider Apostle Paul, He knew what it was like to be without Christ as Lord.  And He knew all He had in Christ and what He had done for him.  And he yearned desperately for the growth of his spiritual children.  He was willing to go all the way in torture and pain and ridicule for the sake of enhancing lives with the gospel.

I am blessed with the life God has given me.  I too know what I had without Christ in my life- emptiness and misery.  And I know what victory I have had because of Christ in me!

The LORD has used His word written through the vessel of Apostle Paul to minster to me.  My onward call.  Paul a spiritual father to many, and deep love so deep for his spiritual children. Determined to press on in discipling them all the way. Encouraged by his joy of remaining in seasons so difficult because his love and dedication to the progress of his beloved sons in Christ was so profound to his heart of hearts.

While writing from prison and much suffering and yearning to be out of this place and in heaven, he said: “Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, so that through my being with you, for your JOY in Christ Jesus will overflow..” Phil. 1:25

As John MacCarthur stated: This was Paul’s conviction–not a supernatural revelation–he saw their need and saw the need for him to remain with them on this earth longer. “Progress” pictures the trail blazing so that an army can advance. Paul wanted to cut a new path for the Phillipians to follow to victory!

What word to consider. In raising up our children, discipling them with the desire for their continued spiritual progress that leads them on to true victory… how I am motivated to consider this SEASON where I am called to be stretched and die to self for the sake of the kingdom.  The days when God has truly called me to press on, may I REMAIN present in my heart of hearts and mind and soul in this place of pressing on with the gospel and CONTINUING ON WITH FULL COMMITMENT “Never lacking in zeal, but keeping spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.” Rom. 12:11

God used a personal pizza experience to shed a “LIGHT”.   And I share to shed “light” because there are children in this world who just see the world in a VERY different way. What can appear as one thing, can actually be something completely different going on in them.  So much potential for these child to be misunderstood.

Yet when we truly have experienced God’s amazing GRACE,  what a gift we then can give to extend to these children.  GRACE!   Looking beyond what “seems” to be and offering grace, unraveling the layers until we get to what truly is – and oh sweet it is.   For these children to be understood, and have someone on their side is what they desperately need.  When these children experience grace… there is HOPE!

I praise HIM for this wonderful life, so different, so glorious, so much dependency on God to show me understanding.  A time for God to stretch me in offering grace, love , and going beyond to find the answer!

Today, I asked him to get the pizza out. Put pepperoni on 1/2. He moved and sorted the pepperoni around and just could not figure out how to make this happen. He knows 1/2. WE’ve done it in a book and he showed comprehension. So why… when I cover one side and show him 1/2 does he still seem overwhelmed? The Lord slowed me down and had me draw a pizza and slowly talk it through. He then modeled the example. Then!!! Then!!! it came clear what the hang up/glitch was. The pepperoni would have to touch if he put it all on one side! He felt it was impossible to place it on 1/2, because “pepperoni” cannot touch one another. His brain told him pepperoni can’t touch. He knew 1/2! He now knows that it is okay for pepperoni to touch and be comfy cozy with each other!!! PRAISE BE TO GOD!

Dependency on God.  His grace is sufficient for me.  I have not known how to do this in and of myself.  But by God’s grace, He has been sufficient to work through and find answers in these seemingly “unsearchable” ways.  How many of these we have encountered.  How many we prayed through, how many we leaned on Jesus.  HE is faithful!

Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know. Jer. 33:3